09-10-1996

I believe this is going to be a good year. I've been to physics, and English so far, and physics sounds fun, and I am going to Love english. Mr. Garfield is so cool. Unfortunately, Johanne isn't in any of my classes so far. ::sigh:: well, there's 5 more.
School has just ended, and I am Happy to say that she IS in one of my classes. she's in my history class. I thought she was also in my P.E. class, but she is takign cheerleading, so she gets a study hall. My heart dropped as I saw her walk out. ::sigh:: I guess I should get used to it.
well, as she left today, I said goodbye, and waved. Either she was ignoring me, or she didn't see me. She made a sideways glance, and kept walking... hmm... I see her sitting, waiting for her ride, and I wonder if I should talk to her now, or some other time. She's pacing, she looks bored. Should I do it? um, uh, um... why not?
later-> well, I approached her, sat next to her, (she's twice as beautiful as she was the last time I saw her) and had my first meaningful conversation with her.
She came from Town and Country. She said it was a horrible school, but she missed it. She said she was kind of embarrased to be a cheerleader, because cheerleaders have a bad reputation. I told her about the media thing, and how I had just recently learned better. She asked if I played sports, I said no, and we got into a conversation about which sport it would be worst to carry the ball around for a month. (The water polo players have to hold the ball evertwhere they go or 500 pushups). She agreed with me on bowling, and then she said it would be annoying to carry any sort of ball w/ you anywhere you went. I agreed, and said that if you played golf, you culd just tape teh ball to your elbow. She looked at me weirdly, and said that I should do that (sarcastically). (Hmm. I wonder why Shawna would have laughed and agreed? It isn;t very funny, just weird. Hmm.) We started talking about siblings, she has a step brother, he's like 24, and lives in vermont. I said I had never been to vermont, but I had driven to colorado once. She said she hates long car trips. I told her to try to take one next to an older sibling, and there would be blood shed before it was over. I probably shouldn't have said that.
She was waiting for her from from LCHS, and St. Francis, 'cause they were going to McDonald's. I can't help but wonder about that guy from St. Francis. I want to find out about her relation to him, is she his friend, or ::gasp:: girlfriend? Oh, this is so confusing.
I want to talk to Shawna again, but I'm going to be strong.
She said she wanted to actually call me back, so I'm giving her time to do it. ::sigh:: this whole predicament is so confusing. Actually what is the predicament? let's Recap.
I think I have a crush on a girl. she might have a boyfriend. Meanwhile a goddess might have a crush on me, but I dunno if I like her anymore. ::sigh::
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say. - Dave Mathews Band
::sob:: Alanis Morisette is playing on the radio. that alwasy makes me think about Shawna. ::sigh::
Should I talk to her about this? or should I hope this ends Happily, and soon. w/o any major conflicts before telling anyone? I dunno.
When I was younger I didn't need to fret over anything like this.St. Francis was a High School for only boys. I never figured that a girl I liked might like someone from there. OH THIS SUCKS!!!
I want to talk to Shawna, but I don't want to... I DON'T want to what?! I might like her again, and like johanne as a friend. OR I might like them both. ::sigh:: Well, I'll just screw myself over, 'cause I really miss shawna.
-Jared's on the other lime w/ his grandma. She said she'd call me back, but will she?
Every single time I look, somebody else has beat me to it. Someone else betrays my trust, I really don't know who to trust. -Boingo, Burn Me up
Can I ever be Happy? I was happy befor eI went out with Claire. I had accepted that noone would ever like me. then she did. Why? why did she have to do it? It made me very happy, and since she dumped me, over a year ago, I haven't been truly happy. I've bene living in a depression. Not a deep one. but a depression noe the less. the depression is 5ft deep, and 17 ft wide. Actually, it did let up once, but then, more acurately, I went Shawna's house, and amid the many strange happenings that night, I got the notion that she might like me. That screwed me over. ::sigh::
It's 10:34, and she hasn't called back. ::sigh:: Perhaps my over-reactive heart just made me THINK that she liked me. AWE FUCK. Noone will ever like me any time soon. probably because If I keep this up, I'll be a loner, and stay away from all girls, or other human ineractions.
{Deep Down I wonder: Is she my}
{type? what is my type? Do I want}
{a girlfriend who will look at me}
{strangely everytime I say some-}
{thing weird or stupid? That's a}
{lot of weird looks. ::sigh::}
Psychic Prediction: I think you're a nice guy, really. I'm jsut not ready to date yet. ::sigh::
But, if my prediction is anythign like my previous ones, somethign else will happen.
::sigh:: I miss Johanne. I remember her face. :). ::sigh::
And I don't wanna die. I'm as innocent as anybody, I don't even know how to spell Revolution, Mary-Jesus. In the sky, the bullets and the guns, you don't even know what we mean by repression. Blood is the color of the sunset. You walked into the Darkness. I did not hear your last breath. There will not be an inquest. This is not Human Interest.
-Frente!.marvinthealbum.cascatlan
::sigh::     ::sigh::     ::sigh::     ::sob::