11-04-1996

well, I talked to Carla and claire. claire, as she says has 2 personalities. Claire, and Psycho claire. Carla, who just looked like a bystander, may be depressed too. At least insecure. I like her. She's cool. Well, at least as I can tell from one conversation.
At one pt., carla asked if we went out in 7th grade. I nodded, and Claire said yes, but in a tone that wasn't exactly happy. as if painful repressed memories were pulled up. Thinking of it now, it makes me sad. What was I dooing? how could I not hav enoticed? why was that my fondest (if not saddest) memory from flintridge, and she Hates to think of it. I bet it's me. I was probably a horrible person. I probably still am.
I am a horrible pessimist. That sucks.
"I suck, my self-esteem is too high" - Me, 5th/6th? grade.

He He.
I have nothing now.
Nothing to look forward too. My long term goal of getting a girlfriend isn't a goal anymore.
-I only wish not to kill myself.