10-28-1996 The worst day I can ever remember having

Well, we finished our first hike today. It was kind of tiring, I didn't break a sweat. My legs did, but that was all. skip wants to RP, Judy didn't bring her sheet. I doubt Darryl did. Well, gotta work on the game.
Write later.

This is the worst Day I can ever remember having. darryl and Judy never showed up for teh game. Everyone else was having fun during their free time. I decided to go to dinner early. 5:15. The doors don't open 'till 6:00. 45 mins. It's not bad. After dinner I was so depressed, I just walked and sulked. We had to go to this stupid slideshow about frogs, and the phrase "I hate myself and I want to die." kept running through my head. After that, I wandered around, sat, listened to NIN on my walk man, and thought about suicide. How stupid it is, and since I am nothing noone would care. There are billions of people on this planet. do you know what that makes me. A stick. a bug. the stick I picked up, pretended to like, then broke. I am that stick. What was I doing? am I crazy. Why does Steve ask me if I'm alright, then come to me later to see if I'm still crying? Because he cares? If so, then why does that make me so sad? It makes me cry. Why?
Oh, and I had a realization. There are billions of people. Billions. each one tries to make a difference, to be something. What are my chances? I will probably never have another girlfriend. I've also realized something. I've hugged girls, I've pecked girls, that is all. I've never gazed longingly into anyone's eyes, rested my hand gently on their knee, or french kissed. ::sigh:: I can probably say the same thing when I graduate. I hate this place. The hikes. The food. The people. They are all mean. I can't stand it. mean. mean. Mean. Nothing. Nothing. Noone. To have noone. Never. No. Nothing.
Yes.