10-16-1996

Well, I said "Hi" again. A faint cry out to the world. It was greeted by a false grin, not even big enough to look welcome.
in english, reading other people's poems. To me, they are empty. meaningless. I suppose mine is too. a waste. sludge. crap.
nope. mine holds meaning. at least in the last stanza. although it is a bit uneven. I usppose people are saying this about my poem too.

Today is auditions for the play. I hope I do well. I'm getting sad. And French in 6th. I really hope the day gets better.
Johanne thinks I'm scum. I can see it in her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. I'm not sure her eyes are blue. maybe they are silvery grey. who knows? I should stop lingering. I'm making it worse. I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home.
Mr. Garfield hasn't said anything about my poem. I guess he thinks it's not special. ::sigh::

::flush:: my life just took a plunge. Heather got another date to Homecoming. The guy she's been pining after for 6 weeks. I'm happy for her, but I feel really, really sad. I don't know why. we were just going as friends, and I would make her go with him anyway as soon as I found out. My mom already ordered a corsage and boutinere. I don't want to go to homecoming. Not now. Not ever. My whole position sucks. Rejected by all girls, even my friend. I am crying. uh oh, Claire is coming.
Wow. That was a helping hand out of the porcelain Jacqusie (sp?) Johanne... according to claire is not well liked, she saw her at Mc Donalds once, and her boyfriend (maybe) was all over her. That explains a lot. I'm very glad to have a friend like Claire. Although I'm still depressed, I feel as though a huge weight (Johanne) has been lifted off my shoulders, and flushed down the crapper. which is true, because, unfortunately, my opinion of her has been flushed. I have seen these friends. Damn. I'm s.... not sad. I'm jilted? in shock? somewhere in between. closer to the sad side. the cool breeze is very comforting. The warm beast is being driven away. Back you Bastard!!!! Still though noone wants to go with me. I seriously don't believe that anyone does.
the sun has come out, symbolizing the evaporation of my grief. Johanne isno.... well, maybe a little. but not much. and hopefuly soon, and never again.
But homecoming is still coming up. What to do, what to do? Think Think Think.
Visions of past meanness and spite come to me. mostly "you looked at my profile!??"
oh well. time to go.

wow! Beth is a good actress she has katie & liz on teh run. Competition between the girls. Fierce competition: Katie looks like she's gonna Hemmohrage. It must be very stressful. It seems rather selfish though. eh. good luck is all I can hope for her.
I think I did pretty well too. I hope I get a part. the sad thing is taht someone is going to get hurt. I am a prime candidate, although one of my Sophomore friends isn't going to get a part too. I feel so sorry for them.
I gotta do my H.W.

I got a date to Home Coming. I was all excited at first. Wow. It's eun. She's in my French class. I thought: wow, someone wouldn't mind going to home Coming with me. It's only because the guy she wants to go with has a boyfriend. Damn. noone likes me. I don't want to go to Homecoming. It will suck. It always has. Oh, and Claire has a date. Damn. women must see me as pretty fucking obsolete. I'm sad and crying now.
I had thought that this was going to be a "good" day. My first in a while. It sucks.
eun could have said "as friends" instead of because the guy I asked, his girlfriend wouldn't let him.
I don't want to go. But she's already ordered a boutinere. I'm fucking stuck in a hole. It's filling with granite. Why me? Why me? Why am I so undesirable? why does my presence seem to pull the worst out of people? Is it because they don't really like me?Possibly. "Gee, SPAM was really sad. woud you go w/ him?" "Sure, my date cancelled."
A Second Choice. I'm noone's First. Noone's I'm noone's second either. Noone wants to go with me. Not ONE person!!!!

I want to get sick. Homecoming sucks. I'm so depressed. I thought it was over. This sucks. My head hurts. -Go.