11-09-1996

OK, it's only 12:39 AM. Well I think my "High" is over. ::sigh:: well Every one I have leaves my wiser.
-Ciao!
Well, it's 11:PM, my dad's Birthday Celebration. Melissa and HaiChou came to visit. It was great I really missed her. I miss her now more than ever.
My dad was behaving liek a sick pervert, and Harry was playing along. It was embarrasing. My mom's Drunk. I hope I Never act like that. My dad said the most disgusting thing. He kissed her on teh cheek, and said "I've got more for you later." Sec?!? How disgusting. Oh well. they are married. But they are old. But they are married.
Well anyway I'm mad at them. They've embarrased me. I want to get away. I know my mom smokes, there was an ashtray full of cigarettes next to her. And next to my Aunt Betty, also full of cigarettes. Not to mention , in my mom's there was a big one, as if it wasn't quite finished, but she had to quickly put it out so I wouldn't know. I'm embarassed. .cry.
I wnat to go away. I want someone to talk to. I want... Well, my happiness has fallen, crashed so to speak.
Melissa tells me to go to college on the East Coast. Damnit. She forgot to bring The Crow also. I want to curl up, and make everything go away.
life goes up.
life goes down. a fountain.
a fountain. plugged by fallen granite.

I have never felt like this to my parents. well, I'm being a teenager. Teenager life sucks. I want to go away. Why am I like I am? Why am I so fucked up?

Just want to be my self - bush, swallowed.

The End is Near
Miscellaneous Generic Mad man.

God I'm So Lame
-Daniel Hoffmann

Oops, these 2 pages were stuck together, I missed these. Hmm.
Proceed to Next Page ->

Lameness is an odd characteristic shared by many people. One of the unfortunate few is Daniel, who has a severe case. Self Diagnosed, this problem is untreatable, and further diagnosis by Doctor or others onmy makes the problem worse.

This I suppose
was Just
a
filler, but It
really wasn't

over ->

Probably because my mom smoked and stuff when she was pregnant.
I was so happy. Life was great. Everythign was cool. That's my life basically. I suppose teh depression really started at the end of eighth grade, w/ my crush on Heather. It was a BIG crush. I wept every night. Never let her know. It finally came to an end when I saw Shawna and it looked like she liked me. I even told Heather why she might, and Heather was pretty sure. Heather and I got pretty close this summer. Finally I told Shawna how I felt (mos. later) and had my heart broke again by her. I am so pitiful. My best friend is a psychopath, I haven;t had a date in 2 years, I do weird, stupid things trying to be funny for attention. I don't know when to be serious or not. Diagnosis- lameness/stupidity/insecurity.
Ha! Boy am I screwed.
.cry.
Oh, on friday I noticed something... Erin Whyte's legs are very nice. damnit. I don't look at girls' bodies. What the hell was I dooing?
They don't like it. I don't care if I'm growing up. All I know is that I want it to end. I don;t want to be liek most guys. I try to be too good to be true. Maybe I'm just too untrue. He. He.
My sister says...
Melissa says my hair looks really good. I think she's the only one.
Why won't my life fix itself magically, put chap in teh gaps, fillin the holes? Probably because I wouldn't be able to move w/ so much spackle, and because that just doesn't happen. That's waht I expected from my Haircut. Fuck change. change can suck my dick, I don't want it. It's screwed me over enough thank you.
-::sigh::