11-13-1996

OK. Well. Uh. I've been reading my past entries, rigth now I'm on the 25th. I've just learned that Shawna doesn;t give a rat's ass, and Just about to learn that neither does Johanne. I still think she's pretty, and has *beautiful* eyes, but she was mean to me. Should I forgive & forget? No forget this time. I can't. I could at some point, but not anymore. I'll make do with forgive. But relations are still kind of awkward. I haven't talked to Shawna for.. Oh, since I got back from Yosemite. I don't care. She pisses me off. but she's got charisma. In HEAPS so I... I want to try to gorgive her, but I'm still suffering from the break. like whiplash.
I'm amazed at my writing. Rereading it, I totally understand everything. It's good. I'm happy with it. Rereading it brings back images of everything. I remember the hope, the happiness, the frustration, the anger. The saddness. It all looks trivial in retrospect. It doesn't look too bad looking back. Well, not where I am, but I know it will get bad, and eventually give way and fall to where I am now.
::sigh:: I love Melissa. I mis her. I want her to come back. I want to see the crow. I Love that movie. there isn't enough love in my life. I want to love someone, and be loved back.
-time up. BBL.
I just talked to shawna. Wow. oh yeah./ whoopee. who the hell cares? Same Shawna. Exactly the same. She wanted me to teach her Ravenloft. I told her that I understood that it was a lot like D&D. Same Shawna. Rather trendy. I met her friend Alexa. whoopee.
Melissa visited today. It was great, the 17 minutes w/ her was wonderful, but she forgot the crow. ::sigh::
I'm listening to Kerplunk by green day. All the songs are "I love you." "Do you love me?" "My girlfriend......" damnit this CD is crap. Ok, I've turned it off.
The whole kitchen smells like cigarettes. I wish my mom would quit. It sucks. I hate it. It makes things bad. Why do so many peopel smoke? I swear I will Never smoke. It is so disgusting.
I hate my life. I want to go home.
My mom read my shot story. The one w/ swear words. She said it was really good. I thought it sucked. eh, she's my mom. She loves everything.
I bet that'll go away eventually too. Like a cigarette, slowly burning out.
I think I want to get away. To drown in my dreams, To descend into madness like Don Quixote. I want it to STOP.
-nothing to learn.