09-21-1996: Ice Skating Heart Break

Oops. I didn't write yesterday. Today, I'm going to see first wives club w/ shawna.
I'm nervous. I don't know what will happen. Will it rekindle my feelings? Will it prove that I like her as a friend? Will she confuse the hell out of me? I dunno, bu tI'm gonna find out.
-later-
Well, I saw the movie, everything went well. Afterwards, she asked me to go iceskating with her. all fine and dandy. Might she possibly like me? Huh. Yeah Right. I went to her house, and then she called about 7 of her friends to come too.
She didn't pay much attention to me after that. She occasionally flung me. yeah. but she spent most of her time with Justin. Skating while holding hands, hugging. the one couples skate, she selected him. That's when I cried. huh. I'm crying now too. she broke my heart. It felt liek my heart was ripped out by fish hooks, and then shattered lke glass as it was crushed by the sledge hammer. Damn.
THEN to confuse the hell out of me, right before I had to leave, she was holdingmy hand, gave me 2 hugs, and said she'd try to call tomorrow. That seems like she likes me. But it goes back to the dance. ::sob:: Today SUCKED.
I also hate my hair. It's a pain in teh ass, although I recieve many compliments, it doesn't make me cute. My life sucks. School is hard, girls think I'm weird. Awe who cares? I do. ::sigh::
Call is long nights while I stare at the wall, I ask myself over again. how did I end up in this little hell? how did it ever begin? Helpless to turn back the clock that ticks on with it's cruel shining face. It laughs while it watches my every disgrace. I was born a sap, all the nurses laughed when they saw me the first time, they giggled and said this poor little monster is better off dead. Helplessly trapped in a body, I'm sure should have never been mine. I bet that my real one is doing just fine. And I don't belong here, I don't belong here. I should be quite rich, with a big shiny car, a house with 12 rooms, I deserve to go far! Helplessly falling in Love, what is Love? That lasts through the night. to Love and to honor, to kick and to bite. And I don't belong here, I don't belong here. It's all of the state, I was destined for greatness. A leader, a prophet, they're just too blind to notice!! How did this whole silly story begin? it seems that my mind has gone blank. It seems that I've messed up a chapter or two, perhaps it's best if I'm frank.
-Oingo Boingo (Helpless)