09-26-1996

I cried today in English. It made me realize a few things. I am depressed. I actually cry every day. Hmm, I've begun crying now. It's cold, empty. Yet warm and comfortable. I will not have a girlfriend any time soon.
Claire just visited, she was concerned about why I was sitting alone. OK. People care. But I'm still crying. Still empty, still compressed. Still slightly warm. why do I cry so often? Johanne isn;t going to the dance. Did I help to make her decision? probably.
Drip, Drip, Drip, Drip. the hose next to me reminds me of myself. Pitiful. Helpless, Hopeless. Basking in it's own self pity. Damn. This is depressing. Yet strangely comforting. 18 days, and 34 pages ago I made a commend. "Oh! How I shall learn from This." I've learned how cold peopel can be, and That's all. I wasn;t anywhere near as depressed then as I am now, like a garbage bak on a windy day only half filled. I need a hug. next ->
Well, Claire, Nui, and Kerrie just came back. But they left. I feel better. The air is salty, the breeze is cool, but the warmth is fighting to come back. I hate the warmth. the warmth is me. a part of me. It has won. ::sob::
I'm in french now. We just took a quiz. I probably failed. I got the words right, I'm just not sure about the endings. Oh well. ::sigh::
The day got better. In chorus, we laid down and rested. I was happy, until I made an observation that Heidi was shorter than me. I would have sworn that she was taller last time I saw her. I told her, she got mad, and then I felt bad, and began to sink back into depression.
We just ook a History test, and I think I did pretty well. ::sigh:: Skip's dad won;t let him R.P. till he's on the honor roll. Skip isn;t going to listen to him. I hope this doesn't turn out badly.

Hey! guess what!? I'm depressed. The Dr. says so. He thinks it's because Melissa left. It might be true. I miss her so much. I get to meet w/ a counselor. Hmm. Things could get better I guess.