11-20-1996

Well, it's english. I'm still sick, and I have Dr. Gero tonight. I have History test next. I have nothing really to write about. I'm going to make Celery Celebration webpage. Skip is waving his arms around lamely to the music. I'll just ignore it.
Celery Celebration. Ok. um, the webpage is very simple, and I'm not sur eit will work. I want to have music. Hmm. perhaps an animated .Gif of confetti falling. I doubt I can do it. w/ The webpage editor it would be easy, but it doesn't have those options. That I know of. I have nothing to write. I want to go home. I would feel guilty if I did. Ok. That's all.

Ok. I went to my Shrink. Guess what? Wrong. Jason was there. Seeing Dr. Gero! Cool huh? well, he says that All I need is self confidence. Which means Stop telling myself "Oh yeah, he's that lameass." Jokes. I can do that. I also had that talk w/ Skip. I told him how I can't stand to see him belittled, and how he is the most annoying person I know. Well, I left that last part out, but also told him what I liked about him, and It seemed like a good thing. but in class he behaved exactly the same. No changes. It was really hard for me to say, and It fels like he ignored me.
After school, at Play Practice, well, actually it was during P.E. Beth said her friend Coral wanted to meet me. Why do girls' friend swant to meet me? is it because I seem like a great guy, but when they meet me they see I'm missing something? (self confidence?) Well, I'm going to focus on my self confidence from now until I forget. That's the road out of my depression. I think I'm in one of those moods where I feel I see clearly but I'm not. I see hazy, through fog, and I'm not super happy. Oh well. Hmm. I would like to take Beth out. I want to get to know her better. Hmm. I kind o would liek to ge tmy nose pierced..
well, maybe not. they don't look too good unless your face is already riddles w/ so many holes that it doesn't make a difference.
I...I...I'm scared. I really want to learn more about Beth, but I'm afraid. Perhaps I should talk to Katie or Heather about it. find out if I have a chance. Dr. Gero says she'd be flattered. Johanne certainly wasn't. But thinking now, I see no reason for her to say no, except that's what I thought about Johanne. Bitch. 10 weeks ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of saying such a thing, even if I knew what she would do. I guess it's Just because she made everything worse. Everything. But there is always room fo rimprovement.
This optimism is wonderful. But it's Palled, because I know it will be gome, and I will be same old me. I am (as of this instant 11:15) going to try to keep my self confidence up. Thiking of what Heather did, I get sad. Should I tell her? would it make her go away? I don't know. Couldn't hurt. Well, it might hurt her. I'll try to make -
-Happy.