11-20-1996

Well, it's english. I'm still sick, and I have Dr. Gero tonight. I have History test next. I have nothing really to write about. I'm going to make Celery Celebration webpage. Skip is waving his arms around lamely to the music. I'll just ignore it.
Celery Celebration. Ok. um, the webpage is very simple, and I'm not sur eit will work. I want to have music. Hmm. perhaps an animated .Gif of confetti falling. I doubt I can do it. w/ The webpage editor it would be easy, but it doesn't have those options. That I know of. I have nothing to write. I want to go home. I would feel guilty if I did. Ok. That's all.

Ok. I went to my Shrink. Guess what? Wrong. Jason was there. Seeing Dr. Gero! Cool huh? well, he says that All I need is self confidence. Which means Stop telling myself "Oh yeah, he's that lameass." Jokes. I can do that. I also had that talk w/ Skip. I told him how I can't stand to see him belittled, and how he is the most annoying person I know. Well, I left that last part out, but also told him what I liked about him, and It seemed like a good thing. but in class he behaved exactly the same. No changes. It was really hard for me to say, and It fels like he ignored me.
After school, at Play Practice, well, actually it was during P.E. Beth said her friend Coral wanted to meet me. Why do girls' friend swant to meet me? is it because I seem like a great guy, but when they meet me they see I'm missing something? (self confidence?) Well, I'm going to focus on my self confidence from now until I forget. That's the road out of my depression. I think I'm in one of those moods where I feel I see clearly but I'm not. I see hazy, through fog, and I'm not super happy. Oh well. Hmm. I would like to take Beth out. I want to get to know her better. Hmm. I kind o would liek to ge tmy nose pierced..
well, maybe not. they don't look too good unless your face is already riddles w/ so many holes that it doesn't make a difference.
I...I...I'm scared. I really want to learn more about Beth, but I'm afraid. Perhaps I should talk to Katie or Heather about it. find out if I have a chance. Dr. Gero says she'd be flattered. Johanne certainly wasn't. But thinking now, I see no reason for her to say no, except that's what I thought about Johanne. Bitch. 10 weeks ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of saying such a thing, even if I knew what she would do. I guess it's Just because she made everything worse. Everything. But there is always room fo rimprovement.
This optimism is wonderful. But it's Palled, because I know it will be gome, and I will be same old me. I am (as of this instant 11:15) going to try to keep my self confidence up. Thiking of what Heather did, I get sad. Should I tell her? would it make her go away? I don't know. Couldn't hurt. Well, it might hurt her. I'll try to make -
-Happy.

11-19-1996 Celery Celebration!

Stage Manager my ASS! I'm a fuckign Gofer! Get me some Brads. Get me that tub of water. Get me some paint, wash these brushes. And the actors have the day off, so I'm basically alone. Beth alsays tells me how Hot Chris Omally is. DAMN IT! They said I would be as hot as Chris O! They said I was! Damnit!
I'm lying down on the small blue stairs by stage right exit. My fondest memory of Claire was here, where I am. where we were lying down in teh dark, during out off scenes of Man of La Mancha. I was hugging her.
This place isn't the same. It's... I don't like it. so why do I lie here? I don't know. All I know is that I'm not cute, the girls don't *like* me but I hav eno right to complain , because some lameass kid has it worse.
I hate my life. I want to go home.
Well, it's 10:29:14. today sucked I guess. I took 2 tests. I guess I did OK. I got the personal webpage publisher prog. I want a bunch of progs before AOl starts their thing. I should giv eJesse and Account. At least a temp. or tell him to send me Java and such other webmaking tools.
why do I get odd inspirations? They are wonderful. I lvoe them. They are things that Name my company Celery Celebration ar Make me write Capecod everywhere I go in Yosemite. In line for lunch this occurred to me: If the star Sirius was surrounded by life supporting planets, and you committed a crime and were sent to Sirius to do it, if Sirius had a weak gravitational pull, doing serious time on Sirius would be Serious. Well, I'm going to make a Celery Celebration! web page. -Celebrate!

11-17-1996

Well, it's 11:14 P.M. School in 8 hours, 45 mins. I saw X-Files, perhaps I can strike up a conversation with Beth tomorrow.
::sigh:: It wasn't as easy to fall head over feet with Beth as it was w/ Johanne, and certainly not as easy as Shawna. Perhaps I'm developing natural "defenses," or a harsh coldness. I don't think I'm harshly cold, perhaps I'm learning. God, how odd. learning. When I die, all of my "learning" will be of no use. Oh well. life sucks, then you die. I don;t believe that, but I feel it.
"Life Sucks, Then you Die."

11-16-1996 Starting to Like Beth

OK. I didn;t write yesterday. So beat me. I was at school until 7:00 Pm, playing Vampire. I even ahd Geoff come up. It was very cool. Geoff spent the night also. and Today I went to my zoo class, and Geoff led the tour.
At dinner richie farted, grinned, and started fanning it. I said, "that reminds me of something Skip would do." Then Geoff said "Wow, with the way you talk about your friends, I'm afraid not to be around you." I'm doing it. The way I know Jesse spwaks about people behind their backs, I'm doing it! Well, No More! Not about Skip, Not anyonw! Not Even Ms. Cerri.
Oh, BTW, I finally saw The Crow. I Rented it. And recorded it. Cool Beans.
There is a song from it that I love. It can't rain all the time. Your tears won't fall forever. and so on. I like it.
I also realized things. well, darned if anything else, I'll bet I'm *maturing*. I realized a few things, those of which I can;t put in here. I don't know why. I can't put it in here. It's nothing special. Oh well.
An odd thing is... I want to be in school. Another day away, and I can't take it. I want to go back! how odd. well, bath time. Write later.
OK. I just watched 12 monkeys. Deffinitely a movie to come back to in a few years. It's above me.
Cool, but above me.
::sigh:: I wish a girl liked me. I wish Beth liked me. I wish? I wasn't even thinking that when I wrote it. Well, it's written. I might *like* Beth. well, not yet, but it certainly is appealing.
I feel like writing a poem. Hmm, this organizer is too small. Either I get a new, bigger one, or I take this one apart.
::sigh:: it's too late to write a poem.
I feel like listening to Smashing Pumpkins, and drowning myself in thoughts of Beth, and by the time I awake, I should have fallen for her so hard, that I'll strain my neck (which still hurts) again. Or, I can go on living. Well, I love change. why did I write that? I hate change. Oh, BTW... Brad Pitt is my favorite Actor. he was awesome in 12 Monkeys. ::sigh:: should I fall? It would be Maddness. But sometimes Risks must be taken. As Malkavians say, "When falling into Maddness, DIVE."
My choice is made. ::sigh:: I hope it is the right one. hey, it might not even work.
-Have a Hangover
-Nirvana (dumb)

11-14-1996

ell, Today sucked. I don't know why. I am alone. Skip left early. It all got better at rehersal. ::sigh:: I .love. rehersal. Tomorrow I have a game. Judy is at school until 3:00 AM. Basketball practice. Skip is trying to stay out as long as possible. I have a phone call as curfew. I'm also trying to get Geoff up here to play. A Salubri. My chronicle is good, just need smore detail. gotta work on it. see ya!

11-13-1996

OK. Well. Uh. I've been reading my past entries, rigth now I'm on the 25th. I've just learned that Shawna doesn;t give a rat's ass, and Just about to learn that neither does Johanne. I still think she's pretty, and has *beautiful* eyes, but she was mean to me. Should I forgive & forget? No forget this time. I can't. I could at some point, but not anymore. I'll make do with forgive. But relations are still kind of awkward. I haven't talked to Shawna for.. Oh, since I got back from Yosemite. I don't care. She pisses me off. but she's got charisma. In HEAPS so I... I want to try to gorgive her, but I'm still suffering from the break. like whiplash.
I'm amazed at my writing. Rereading it, I totally understand everything. It's good. I'm happy with it. Rereading it brings back images of everything. I remember the hope, the happiness, the frustration, the anger. The saddness. It all looks trivial in retrospect. It doesn't look too bad looking back. Well, not where I am, but I know it will get bad, and eventually give way and fall to where I am now.
::sigh:: I love Melissa. I mis her. I want her to come back. I want to see the crow. I Love that movie. there isn't enough love in my life. I want to love someone, and be loved back.
-time up. BBL.
I just talked to shawna. Wow. oh yeah./ whoopee. who the hell cares? Same Shawna. Exactly the same. She wanted me to teach her Ravenloft. I told her that I understood that it was a lot like D&D. Same Shawna. Rather trendy. I met her friend Alexa. whoopee.
Melissa visited today. It was great, the 17 minutes w/ her was wonderful, but she forgot the crow. ::sigh::
I'm listening to Kerplunk by green day. All the songs are "I love you." "Do you love me?" "My girlfriend......" damnit this CD is crap. Ok, I've turned it off.
The whole kitchen smells like cigarettes. I wish my mom would quit. It sucks. I hate it. It makes things bad. Why do so many peopel smoke? I swear I will Never smoke. It is so disgusting.
I hate my life. I want to go home.
My mom read my shot story. The one w/ swear words. She said it was really good. I thought it sucked. eh, she's my mom. She loves everything.
I bet that'll go away eventually too. Like a cigarette, slowly burning out.
I think I want to get away. To drown in my dreams, To descend into madness like Don Quixote. I want it to STOP.
-nothing to learn.

11-12-1996

OK. Today sucks. It's lunch. I have noone to eat with. Skip has art, and I'm too depressed to sit with the girls. ::sigh:: I want to break down. damn it.
In the word of a Malkavian: I want one reality construct. the one I had in sixth grade. I knew nothing. I with I was back then. It was good. But alas, I also had my heart broken. ::sigh::
life in general Sucks.
There's johanne. She Just walked inot the bathroom. ::sigh:: damnit all. She'll probably walk out soon. Probably not even a gesture or look at me. let's see. -:waits:- nope. not even a FUCKING glance. Screw you! Damnit.
In french, (what a godawful class) I noticed something. Katy has nice legs. Well gosh darnit, I wasn't t better then the other guys, I was just Immature. I thought that it was rude to look at women like that, and Noe I see teh lure. goddamnit. I must stay strong. Why? Because I know they don't want Me looking at them. ::sob:: I've also realized how Immature I am about my dandruff. I hear people last year talking about Justin's dandruff, and I figure that they talk about my dandruff. Jesse talks about Geoff and Hun. I know he talks about me. Geoff tried to invite Jesse over w/o me knowing. He thinks that I'm stealing him. Damnit He talks about me.
I talk about Skip, There it goes. But I need to. Perhaps they need to. Noone Needs to. Perhaps it's ok when coupled w/ a sometimes, or something positive. ::sigh::
who cares?
They're coming to take me away HA HA! They're coming to take me away! To the Happyhme, where everything's pretty and everything's beautiful all the time and they're coming to take me away. All those big strong men in their clean white coats, oh they're coming to take me away.
I wish someone would take me away. ::sigh::
NO girls *look* at me. I'm ugly. my chest is flat, no muscles. My hair is stringy, my eyes are sad, distant, depressed. I'm cold, critical, stupid, foolish. I'm immature. ::sigh:: No girls *look* at me.
Oh well. What's the difference? Noone has before, I jsut didn;t realize it. I'm pathetic. Take me away.
-later
OK. Today was rpetty bad. Beth is rather um, *mature* well, no she's not, but I think she thinks she is. ::sigh:: I will Never have a special someone. Oh yeah, she's on love with a guy named Doug. ::sigh:: just my luck.

11-11-1996

Ok, I didn't write yesterday. So sue me. Jesse spent the night. I broke his serial port. I couldn;t see Geoff, because Jesse was here, and I feel so guilty. I like Geoff, but it seems like I don't. ::sigh::
I splurged. I spent $90 on a Virtual Pilot Pro thing. It's like a sterring wheel. It has plenty of buttons, and it looks crappy. but if I don't like it, I can return it. I basically got it for a week.
I found this great place online, on irc it's called #depressed. I talk to other depressed people, and stuff. I didn;t know that the ops were depressed, and I started criticising one of them, and I was told off. I felt liek shit. still do. I apologized, was un-banned. Apologized, and I guess things are cool.
I want to go home.
-until next time.

11-09-1996

OK, it's only 12:39 AM. Well I think my "High" is over. ::sigh:: well Every one I have leaves my wiser.
-Ciao!
Well, it's 11:PM, my dad's Birthday Celebration. Melissa and HaiChou came to visit. It was great I really missed her. I miss her now more than ever.
My dad was behaving liek a sick pervert, and Harry was playing along. It was embarrasing. My mom's Drunk. I hope I Never act like that. My dad said the most disgusting thing. He kissed her on teh cheek, and said "I've got more for you later." Sec?!? How disgusting. Oh well. they are married. But they are old. But they are married.
Well anyway I'm mad at them. They've embarrased me. I want to get away. I know my mom smokes, there was an ashtray full of cigarettes next to her. And next to my Aunt Betty, also full of cigarettes. Not to mention , in my mom's there was a big one, as if it wasn't quite finished, but she had to quickly put it out so I wouldn't know. I'm embarassed. .cry.
I wnat to go away. I want someone to talk to. I want... Well, my happiness has fallen, crashed so to speak.
Melissa tells me to go to college on the East Coast. Damnit. She forgot to bring The Crow also. I want to curl up, and make everything go away.
life goes up.
life goes down. a fountain.
a fountain. plugged by fallen granite.

I have never felt like this to my parents. well, I'm being a teenager. Teenager life sucks. I want to go away. Why am I like I am? Why am I so fucked up?

Just want to be my self - bush, swallowed.

The End is Near
Miscellaneous Generic Mad man.

God I'm So Lame
-Daniel Hoffmann

Oops, these 2 pages were stuck together, I missed these. Hmm.
Proceed to Next Page ->

Lameness is an odd characteristic shared by many people. One of the unfortunate few is Daniel, who has a severe case. Self Diagnosed, this problem is untreatable, and further diagnosis by Doctor or others onmy makes the problem worse.

This I suppose
was Just
a
filler, but It
really wasn't

over ->

Probably because my mom smoked and stuff when she was pregnant.
I was so happy. Life was great. Everythign was cool. That's my life basically. I suppose teh depression really started at the end of eighth grade, w/ my crush on Heather. It was a BIG crush. I wept every night. Never let her know. It finally came to an end when I saw Shawna and it looked like she liked me. I even told Heather why she might, and Heather was pretty sure. Heather and I got pretty close this summer. Finally I told Shawna how I felt (mos. later) and had my heart broke again by her. I am so pitiful. My best friend is a psychopath, I haven;t had a date in 2 years, I do weird, stupid things trying to be funny for attention. I don't know when to be serious or not. Diagnosis- lameness/stupidity/insecurity.
Ha! Boy am I screwed.
.cry.
Oh, on friday I noticed something... Erin Whyte's legs are very nice. damnit. I don't look at girls' bodies. What the hell was I dooing?
They don't like it. I don't care if I'm growing up. All I know is that I want it to end. I don;t want to be liek most guys. I try to be too good to be true. Maybe I'm just too untrue. He. He.
My sister says...
Melissa says my hair looks really good. I think she's the only one.
Why won't my life fix itself magically, put chap in teh gaps, fillin the holes? Probably because I wouldn't be able to move w/ so much spackle, and because that just doesn't happen. That's waht I expected from my Haircut. Fuck change. change can suck my dick, I don't want it. It's screwed me over enough thank you.
-::sigh::

11-08-1996

well, It's friday. I want to go home. I want to see Geoff. With Geoff, I feel accepted. I fit. It's great.
On a harsher note...
I believe Skip is deranged. There is another holy war, and soon he might need to go to the "Netherworld" to fight for a few days. This is a bit too much. Delusions of Grandeur.
his life sucks so much, that he has actually given himself a reason to live: Protect Cat until her son is born. A place: One of the few members of the Te Shaw. A lover: She dies in the netherworld protecting him, and her last words were: Protect the baby. (basically)
-gotta go, english time up.

It was big, and beautiful, and all of everything.
but he wasn't. -unknown.
It's horrible. It's wonderful. Beth wants to be a drama person. Beth is kinda depressed. Beth asked me questions. She's so nice. She's such a wonderful person.
there are many depressed people, Me, skip, claire, Carla, I think Beth. I'm not special. I only thought I was. It's great to have people to talk to, but I can't stand Skip. He reminds me of a 12 year old. All the time, all he says are stupid, Immature, selfish, I'm better, I'm smarter things. I can't stand it.
-also the world is a crappy fucking hell hole. David has a crush on Beth. She ca't stand him, but It's Just that it reminds me of my lack of Love.
As chris O'malley walked by, Beth said he is so cute. DAMN it! Peopel said that peopel would say that to me when I cut my hair. Nope. Never. Wow! look's good! It's better. You look like more of a girl. damn it, I've lost. I can't stand my life. I'm different. I want to be Me again!! Damn it!! Sad SPAM. Sucks. My life is horrible. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm too nice, I'm too pessimistic, I'm too naieve, Iff I loose anymore of my innocence, I, I, I, It might kill me.

tonight is the Middle School Play. Beth might be there. I want acceptance! I want to be loved! I want my sister! Things w/o her are horrible. Things w/ her probably wouldn't be much better, but I really DO miss her. ::sigh:: .cry.
Skip sits and plays Warcraft 2. He's going to the play w/ me. I want my mommy. The world sucks. Take it away I want the old one.

take it away.
take it away.
Not another day
in this fucking place I pray
for a day that's free of tears
for a friend who stays for years
for a place that's free of fears
Take it away.
This one's gone bad.
Polluted, Corrupted, Infested
It makes me wish to move away,
to some place far, far, far away
where people laugh,
and innocence rings lik bells
with tunes to make you sing.
It's horrible this place I've found,
It makes you wish to be underground.
I wish I had never found it.
I used to never through the word "wish" around so frivilously, At least not this year. I still don't. I truly wish I had never found out how horrible the world is. It looks duller, less lively. My fondest memories are vivid, with great color. The earth seems darker, overcast by my depression. I am not good. I want to be good. kind, just, fair, a guy who people look at and say "well, Daniel is a great guy! I really like him." Heh. Not gonna happen. I want to curl up into a fetal ball, and sob to myself until teh bad goes away. "He's so cute,"
"Oh, your hair looks SO good Daniel." -No He's cute. $50 for a fucking haircut, adn no one thinks I'm cute. Well, I'm growing it long again. I like it long. Then they'll wish they had appreciated it more. or they won't. I can Imagine julia telling em it looked better before. oh well. ::sigh::

Well, I've gotten into the new paper. Wow. I've written a lot since I've started writing. amazing. Huh, I'm charting my depression. Fuck Armageddon. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. fuck Fuck the Fucking shit that fucks up my life. That feels good Unfortunately, I am the only one ruining my life. I spend my spare time on my computer, playing games. What a waste.
I just played a race on NFSse. Top speed for The City track 202.5 mph in a diably VT. yeah. who cares?
erin is right. Who cares about computer games? Go out and experience real reality. Is my life headed nowhere? Why do I picture myself as a computer technician, still depressed? Will I stay depressed for another 6 years? What would suck. I understand now why people commit suicide. I wish I didn't. My depression is a beast, which clears away my protective veil, and shows me the cold harsh reality as it is. this is what It seems like. What it makes me believe.
I suppose, Thinking logically, that this dark beast actually clouds my mind, making me see things as they aren't, because they are bettter than I see things. I wish. I hope.
My depression takes me over. I want to talk to people about it. to see them nod, agree, ask me about it, and I do the same for them. I haven't.... well I've heard Claire talk about it. I hate Change Change sucks. change changed me. I was happy. I'm not any more. Will I ever be? possibly. right now I know I have no purpose. My life has NO direction. none at all. day to day, miserable existance.
: - at the play. I like it here. I feel good. I forgot about our plays. maybe things will be good after sunday, when the play starts. (for me). One of my fears is if I begin to *like* Beth. Will I be able to take the rejection?
"Sorry Dan, but I really Just like you as a friend."
Who knows? Maybe I won't *like* her.
It is intermission. they are so cute. Sorrow (Charlie Brown) is very good. Uh oh, Competition. Oh well, on...
-restarting, gotta go.

~over. Wow. What a great play. You could see teh feeling of accomplishments on the actors' faces. I can't wait until I feel proud too. Will I? or will my depression kill my Pride. It has. I mean will my depression keep me from accomplishing things to be proud of? who cares? It's their night. I'm so proud of them. they all deserve it. Sorrow said "Hi." to Melissa. He's a great singer and actor.
There is Orion. It fills me with hope. It remins me of earth science, of astronomy. My favorite class last year. Orion is my favorite Constellation, and M32, the orion Nebula is the middle star in it's belt. Orion is a constellation of rebirth. from the remains of a tremendous supernova, new staars are formed. Perhaps it can do something for me?
It has. If only this once, if never again, it has helped me look beyond my depression and least for now. funny how things can do that.
Wow. I, now, Am SPAM. I feel wonderful. I'm happy, All is good. How great. my dad has picked me up.
-at home.
Well, wow. I feel great. Lara didn;t want me to go. her father's phone has been busy for 2 hours, and she didn't want to be alone. Wow. someone wanted me for something. how wondeful.
-to read when I'm depressed...
I fele envigorated. It's great. Oh well, I guess I can't think of anything to write that would cheer me up when I'm depressed. all I know is that I'm not Depressed now, and I Love it.
On another note...
The girl who played Patty, Mabby Nelson, was rather cute. She goes to Heather's church.
OK, It's 12:39. oops. wrong page.

11-06-1996

Well, It's second period, wednessday, the worst day of teh week. So far this day doesn't suck, but there's still time. It sucks every week.
why is it that I try to make myself depressed? Why do I picture claire at home, tears running down her face, writing a song about the anguish I caused her? I was/am so blind. all the obvious clues she gave me. She tried to break up w/ me, and we were separated for a day. why did she call me up and apologize if she didn't really like me? pitty? She knows. Looking back, it is utterly obvious. Being there, blinded by love, everythign was great. I sucked. I suppose I still do. ::sigh:: Noone....Never.....
later Well, my psychologist thinks I should tell skip how annoying he is, that sometimes his advice isn;t needed, but I like him, nad say why. that sounds OK, it would probably kill him though. Dr. Gero doesn't buy the Wacko religion thing. Could everything Skip has told me (in the strictest Confidence) be B.S.?
it it is, I'm going to be pissed. I think I would hate him. I would feel used. I wouldn't turn on him, I would just stop associating with him.
Hmm, ok. I'm tired.
sleepy-bye for SPAM.

11-05-1996

OK, well Ol' billy is still Prez. I don't care.
It's 11:00. I've been Playing Warcraft II. It's cool, but I need to stop sooner or later. Oh man I'm tired.
The doctor wants me to wear the brace at school for the next week. What a pisser.
Oh yeah, when people asked Eun if she went with me, she said "yes, My other date dumped me." She couldn't simply have said "yes, we went as friends." unless she too was confused about that, or we went as dates. If we went as dates, then I guess what she said would be half decent.
Who teh hell cares? It's not like I like Eun, I like her, but I don't like her. I guess it's just her obvious attempt at letting everyone know we aren't going out or anything.
Why are people so thoughtless about what they say?
I too make whoopsies, all teh time, but I usually hurt myself, at least as far as I can tell.
-cheese.

11-04-1996

well, I talked to Carla and claire. claire, as she says has 2 personalities. Claire, and Psycho claire. Carla, who just looked like a bystander, may be depressed too. At least insecure. I like her. She's cool. Well, at least as I can tell from one conversation.
At one pt., carla asked if we went out in 7th grade. I nodded, and Claire said yes, but in a tone that wasn't exactly happy. as if painful repressed memories were pulled up. Thinking of it now, it makes me sad. What was I dooing? how could I not hav enoticed? why was that my fondest (if not saddest) memory from flintridge, and she Hates to think of it. I bet it's me. I was probably a horrible person. I probably still am.
I am a horrible pessimist. That sucks.
"I suck, my self-esteem is too high" - Me, 5th/6th? grade.

He He.
I have nothing now.
Nothing to look forward too. My long term goal of getting a girlfriend isn't a goal anymore.
-I only wish not to kill myself.

11-3-1996

Well, this weekend was eventful. I went to the computer show, looking for a Jaz disk, but they were all out. I did buy NFSSE, a racing game that I don't think is too cool, and warcraft II. An Awesome game. It rules. in 4 years, looking back on this, I will probably laugh at my frivelous wase of $$$, but it isn't only a game. It's an escape. It makes me take my mind off of my Depression. That is, assuming that I still have this miserable chart of my unhapiness w/ me in 4 years. Hey, maybe I'll be dead. not funny. Currently, I'm not depressed enough to truly appreciate that last comment.
::sigh::
I still believe Shawna is the vision of all that is beautiful. She is a goddess. Hey! No she's not! she was leading me on! She's a woman of ice. A beautiful, and unique as a snowflake, but as cold and harsh as a winter storm.
-The warmth encroaches.::sob::

11-01-1996

Well, we're on the bus, 8 hours of hell. I was kicked out of my seat in the back because I'm fucking gullible. I was moved to the front, along with Skip. It sucks. There is noone to talk to. I feel so alone. Still. This neck brace sucks. I'm hot. noone cares about me. They apologize and give me hugs when they bump into me, but they don't care about ME. I heard that this kid, named Kevin something, thought that my fall was the best part of this trip.
I'm arguing w/ Skip. I don't know what about. I think about how society is fine how it is, or something. Shut up Skip!! Damnit, you are pissing me off. I start the sentence, he finishes the conversation with his self. I don't care any more.
I want to stand up and talk to people. I can't stand Skip's speech about politics. his speech is a low drone. a boring olows drone. Skip also lost my new magazine. The one I was going to read on this Bus ride.

Well, I'm at home. I'm glad. That bus ride was long, and I'm glad it's over. I wish I had a girlfriend. I wish I had self esteem. I wish I had confidence.

Home is good. My chip came in the mail. I really do with I had a girlfriend.

::sigh::
-g'night.
home, at last.
to bitch and moan
at home, is far better
then to bitch and moan
any where else.